When you are alone, wandering about unknown hills in the dark with snow falling, no shoes and no light, with a fear of being attacked by a snow leopard, you undergo a variety of thoughts. Atleast I did.
I remember the cold rocks piercing my feet. My hands being numb despite of three layers of clothing. I was unable to find the path back to my camp… I couldn't think of anything… Shouting wasn't an option.
Being out of ideas, I sat down. Closed my eyes, held myself tight, I just sat down. It was still snowing.
It is really strange how your whole life reflects before you when there is an immaculate silence around you…
I clearly remember. I could listen to my thoughts. And for the first time in a long time, all my mistakes were loud and clear… All my goof ups, all my naïveté and all the bad decisions I took were right there, before me. I could finally see what I did and was shocked.
Have you felt the sinking feeling you get when you thought you were right all along, but suddenly realized you were as wrong as wrong could possibly be?
Have you felt the desire to do the worst you can to yourself because that's what you have been doing to someone you cared for the most?
Have you felt the need to hide yourself in a place where no one could ever find you?
Have you felt a rage so strong, that you would think that everything bad ever happened was because of you?
If you have, then it's simpler to picture what happened that cold night.
It took a lot of time to put these in words. But it took just a brief part of a second to feel all that…
I was sitting still, eyes shut tightly, not wanting to open them and see the world around me… But somehow, something compelled me to open them… I couldn't see anything. It was so dark that I could barely see my own hands, let alone anything else… I did not know what to do.
Suddenly, as though it was a miracle, the darkness started to fade away slowly. I could see where I was, and I could get a clear picture of where my camp was…
Thinking something, I smiled. I got up, walked myself to the camp, went in to my tent, opened the sleeping bag and went off to sleep.
Isn't it the same in our lives?? We are running along helplessly, in panic. All the time, when we decide on something, we do so with our eyes closed, not allowing ourselves to see the whole picture. And finally, when we do open our eyes, the darkness around us does not allow us to see our mistakes and we continue to think we are right. Only when we give something time, we see the whole picture and realize how wrong we were and what we could do to make things right…
Little did I know that getting lost on an unknown hill would teach me something so valuable. I learnt an important lesson there and I sincerely hope I am able to make the most of it.
15 comments:
Nature does that to you, you know ?
I have had my own experiences of realisations and lessons while in a jungle, amidst sheer, unadulterated natural surroundings.
So, I can completely understand and relate to the state of mind.
It's Great. :)
Much Love.
Aishwarya
I think the time you spent in the dark, all alone..was just an ideal escape from everything,that led you to self-discovery and a significant 'revelation'!..But expressing those emotions so beautifully only shows a writer's introspection..It's subtle yet so honest and well put together!..I look forward to reading your blog and it was worth the wait!:)
Awesomely written! i love the way you bring out the emotions (as always)!
Its too good for 12 year old! :p
Whenever I get to spend time alone, I just sit there, staring at something and forget the world around me. I don't even notice the thing I want desperately if it's right there if I enter into the arena of thought.
And that's the time I realize things. Things like that in this post.
Another great post. Thumbs up! :)
I always told you, that you were a good writer. But, this time you just took one step ahead.
The best thing about what you write is the absolute truth .
To err is human, but to realize our wrong doings and to remember them and try not to repeat them ever is what makes a better human, no?
Your post just made me feel at a little peace, and it was way beautifully written. .
And, about your experience in the hills. Nature does that you. In the cities and all we hardly get time to ourselves let alone spend some alone time in some place.. But, when we're all alone that's when we get all those thoughts.
Its amazing <3
Supercalifragilistic
Silence helps you think, helps you go over things you never care to think of, and those decisions sometimes can be life changing, because at that time you're on your own no one is there to tell you anything or affect your judgement. The darkness helps find you the way back, so in my view its not the dark whats around you, its the light that is coming from the distant point and without darkness we'd never be able to make that out.
Very well written Nisarg, it gave me the oppurtunity to think upon my decisions as well, and i surely hope other readers also found this post enlightening and intriguing.
Keep'em coming man, it's getting better post by post :)
Awesome. :)
It's probably not just the darkness but the feeling that you were lost. That helpless feeling of being alone probably compelled you to think things over. But sometime when we sit and think about things, we all end up realising our mistakes.
Nigs, i love how and what you write.
Don't ever give up on it! :)
Nature is one such element that brings out the best from a person. It strikes you so hard and evokes your emotions in ways unknown to the mind, to the heart. When introspection, assumptions and mistakes muddle your head, its nature that sometimes helps you outgrow and come to terms with realizations. Love the way you brought this out and even better, you're a better person with that realization (:
Its amazing how you effortlessly can write such moving things.
Its a really nice write up, Done a good job!
Love,
Adi
Brilliant, like I said that time. Written in such simple, mesmerising words.
Superb and amazingly true!
Very smoothly written.
And, yes, nature has its own way of somehow making you open your eyes and look around. After all, who could teach patience better than mother nature? :)
I couldn't agree more with everything that you've written.
Not to be obscene or anything, but I feel you. What I mean is, it was like I was there with you the whole time. It was like my OWN hands went numb. You know why? Cause you write in such details. Oh boy, was I gripped to every word you wrote.
Yes, we all have felt that sinking feeling when we felt we were right all along, but actually we were so wrong that we couldn't see it.
Never stop those fingers from writing.
Love. :)
You're the one who is AWESOME and not ME!:)
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