At first sight

I sat by the window, on a June day. It felt gloomy, but I guess that’s what it’s always like in June. It had been similar for the past few days, but today was different. I felt at peace with everything. The breeze was cool. I knew today was the day, the day of the first shower. I asked Ma to make coffee for me. Suddenly in a flash, I heard the rain. The sweet smell of Mother Earth got a wide smile on my face.

I asked Ma to make coffee later and rushed out of the door. As I stepped out into the open, I was greeted by the unusually heavy downpour. But it felt great. Heat had taken its toll and now was the time for the Earth to cool down and nurture the scars.

I felt the coolness of the raindrops, wetting me completely from head to toe. I jumped, splashed, shouted, giggled and whirled and whirled around in the shower. My joy knew no bounds. The sound of the drops felt like music to me. It was bliss. And sometime later, the shower stopped. I heard the birds chirp and rushed back home to dry myself.

As soon as I was done, Ma asked me, “Beta, enjoyed your first shower? Liked it?”

I just replied, “Ma, it felt beautiful. How I wish I could see it myself.”

I knew Ma was in tears, I just knew. Yes, I was blind.

But as time advanced, so did the technology in every possible field, specially the medical field. Now, it was possible for me to get operated and get my eyesight back. I was more than eager to get it back, for I wanted to see Ma and the rains. I had no one else.

23^rd May. I was to be operated. Simple operation, just a few hours. But the eye sight was to come after a few days. It started, ended. The doctor announced, “Operation successful.” That was it. Once I gained consciousness, I said to Ma, “Ma, I know I can start seeing in a week, but I want to wait till the rains. I want to see you, and the rains, on the same day.”

Ma must have smiled, I guess. She agreed. I didn’t have to wait too much, as the monsoon was early that year. 15^th June, it was, I guess. I felt the same strange peace. I knew it was going to rain. I yelled, “MAAAA, remove the bandages, it’s going to rain!”

She got excited, but remained calm and did as was told. She removed my bandages and I saw the face of God. Wearing a simple saree, hair in a bun, bangles as the only jewel on her, she was smiling with tears in her eyes, looking at me. I saw my mom for the first time. Yes, I was born blind.

I cried too and hugged her. And then I ran for the window. 5 minutes was all it took to shower. Yes, I saw a rainfall for the first time. It was magical, the sound I heard, when the water splashed the leaves, was as beautiful to see as to hear. The sight of the mud getting wet was as serene as the smell arising from the same wet mud. Feeling the raindrops fall on the palm was as amazing as watching the rain. I was happy; much more than I have ever been before.

Days passed and I was getting used to this new ‘seeing’ business. The first to sights I saw were the prettiest, but later. No. All I could see was filth spread across streets. All I could see was beggars and lepers crowd around you. All I could see was a crowd always in a rush. All I could see was busy faces having no time for anyone in the world but for themselves. All I could see was the miserable condition of the city.

Was this the reason people felt superior to me? Were these the sights I was jealous I couldn’t see and many others could? Was it because of this that I was always considered handicapped? Yes. It was all this.

I felt like I was choking. This was not what I wanted. If this is what someone gets to see, I prefer being blind. I stopped my medication, despite Ma crying. Slowly, my sight kept deteriorating, until it was finally gone. Ma, was sad, but gave in eventually. The sight of her and one rainfall was enough to keep me contented for a lifetime. I was satisfied. I was convinced. For now, I knew that I was not handicapped. I knew that I lacked nothing. I knew that I was awesome the way I was. For the way I could feel every emotion, the sighted cannot.

Monsoon approached soon. I sat by the window, feeling the unusual peace. I knew what was going to happen. I asked Ma to make coffee. I felt happy, again.